Marriage - Divorce - Separation - How to handle the split loyalties after separation.

Excerpt : We have all most probably encountered it at some stage in our lives - who do we stay friends with after a couple divorces or separates? The text book answer is to stay friends with both parties of


We have all most probably encountered it at some stage in our lives - who do we stay friends with after a couple divorces or separates?

The text book answer is to stay friends with both parties of course but that’s a mighty tall order to fulfil as we are dealing with human emotions and judgemental attitudes here as well.

Fortunately I think that most normal friends witnessing a couple of family splitting up can actually see both sides of the coin and actually do stay away from taking sides.

However, in the real world the divorcing couple will normally expect you to commit to one side or the other and this pattern often establishes itself way before the final separation or divorce. This is due to our blame culture where we often

Practical Solutions To Divorce & Custody Concerns Also see : DYI Divorce Papers DYI Divorce Papers are easy to be filled. It is a sole responsibility of the parties involved to fill up the papers in such divorces. You can always get the necessary packet of DYI Divorce Papers by going to a bookstore or office supply store, or by...read more Post-Divorce Alimony in Texas This article provides a brief overview on Texas law concerning post-divorce alimony in Texas. Laws differ from state to state and individual circumstances vary, so you should consult with a qualified family law attorney in your area for specific...read more

ignore our own responsibilities for the situation we find ourselves in - it’s always someone else’s fault - black & white, when actually there will be many shades of grey that overlap and it is often not until many years later and upon a lot of reflective thought that we suddenly realise that we were actually partly to blame for the failure of that relationship.

So, how do friends handle the initial expectation from one part of the divorcing couple to now ignore their former partner? It can be really tough for friends of separating partners - you know, who do you invite to the family party - him or her - can you invite both? - what will happen if they both meet at the daughters wedding? - god forbid but what will happen should each one bring a new

Also see : Do It Yourself Divorce Kits Do It Yourself Divorce Kit works best in an uncontested Divorce. It is not advisable to use a Do It Yourself Divorce Kit, if your spouse is contesting certain critical Divorce issues, such as Custody of the Children or Disposition of the Marital...read more Selecting a Divorce Attorney Selecting a divorce attorney is a critical decision making process. The person who you hire will be responsible for obtaining or maintaining your custody rights to your children, your property interests, and depending upon the side you are one,...read more

partner? - The scenarios are endless.

Having experienced several friends now go through divorce and separation proceedings and each one has found its own set of issues, I can say that there is no set advice or guidance in the form of a one size fits all answer.

However, there are a few outline framework procedures that I would certainly adopt in order to ensure that your former couple remain friends long after the divorce or separation.

Firstly - always try to balance being sympathetic and understanding to your main friend but without actually agreeing to any of their own conclusions regarding blame etc. - remember your only hearing one side of a very unbalanced perspective. This ensures that you do not reinforce your friends biased

Also see : In Divorce, Women No Longer Have All the Power The stories go something like this: "She took the house, she took the car, and then she took my children away." For many years the process of divorce was a process heavily biased toward women, to balance out the fact that it was a man's...read more Legal Issues Surrounding Divorce There are two types of divorce: absolute and limited. Absolute, or “divorce a vinculo matu monii”, is the judicial termination of a marriage based on marital misconduct or other statutory causes after the wedding ceremony—such as adultery. After the...read more

viewpoint and you can still remain impartial - very important. This may require exemplary diplomatic skills but if your conscious of this fact can actually be quite challenging and rewarding - its like being tested yourself.

Secondly, make it clear to your main friend that you may still see or respond to their former partner from time to time after the divorce or separation for obvious and practical reasons. Most of our lives are intertwined these days with other stuff such as the sharing of the school run or business contacts for example. It needs to be made clear by way of simple inexplicit references with your normal conversations that this will happen. This signals to your main friend that divided loyalties are not actually that simple to

Also see : Choosing your Divorce Method The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is that they fail to plan. They simply decide to leave the relationship and then enter and ugly and expensive battle that ends up hurting everyone involved. There are some things that...read more How to Reorganize Your Divorce Life for Happiness? Do your dreams, hopes and ambitions shattered by your own divorce? Do you feel completely worn out of your desire to go on with your life? Do you feel you have no more purpose or inspiration for life's achievements? You must not let yourself think...read more

divide in the manner that they may be thinking. It also ensures that you are not accused of being a ‘Judas’ and losing the confidence or friendship of your main friend when they find out that you have had contact with their former partner.

And thirdly, never, ever say what you really thought of their former partner even if you think that having empathy with their feelings will help them over this period - Just remember that a high proportion of separating couples do actually end up getting back together again & releasing a load of sympathetic venom last month will stick in your reunited friends throat like barbed wire and your relationship with them both will never be the same again.

Within these three basic guidance rules will be a whole

Also see : Too Many Divorces My oldest boy asked me something the other day about all the news regarding the high divorce rate. I told him there aren't too many divorces, there's too many marriages. Most people get married without really knowing who they are marrying or...read more Oklahoma Divorce Law Oklahoma Divorce Law In the state of Oklahoma there are a few options for couples who are looking for a divorce. The first option is called limited divorce and is similar to what is known as a trial separation in other states. Limited divorce will...read more

host of anomalies that will occur that will need careful thoughtful planning on what your responses will be for each individual case of a divorcing couple. It wont be easy - it never is especially when dealing with a high emotional content. But trying to frame your responses within these three basic guidance rules should ensure that your friendship is retained and remains flexible for most situations that may occur over the coming years.

About the Author

Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com an article based web site exploring the human side of marriage breakdowns, divorce and separation situations.

http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com

Now You Can Stop Your Indecision & Pain About Whether to Stay Married or Get a Divorce!

More Divorce Articles

Divorce Advice | sitemap
copyright www.seekdivorceadvices.com 2006