Marriage, Children and Divorce: When "le music" stops

Excerpt : It can happen in many ways. Sometimes, suddenly, out of the blue, with no warning whatsoever. Other times, the music slowly, gradually, fades to a deafening silence. Divorce is the great plague on


It can happen in many ways. Sometimes, suddenly, out of the blue, with no warning whatsoever. Other times, the music slowly, gradually, fades to a deafening silence.

Divorce is the great plague on American families today. More than 40% of adults under 40 are children of divorced parents. The U.S. now has the highest divorce rate (roughly 44%) of the Western nations, though it's slightly declining. Avoiding it, preparing for it and dealing with the consequences of when the music stops involve millions of us every day.

Here in France, where the "use" of a lover is accepted and frequent, the current divorce rate is 39%, having more than tripled since

Practical Solutions To Divorce & Custody Concerns Also see : Divorce Doesn't Have To Ruin Your Credit Rating In 1996, I divorced my wife and with that divorce came the normal dividing of property and assets. There also was the discussion regarding our credit card debt. We were married for 5 years and used the credit cards as a couple, but the...read more The 7 Emotional Phases of Divorce Divorce, though often an ugly process, isn't always an emotional death sentence, and regardless of who we are, or what we do, we all go through the same emotional turmoil to varying degrees when it comes to divorce. At first, going through the...read more

1970. The trend is alarming. Even the French find their own institution of marriage "moins formidable" than before.

Sitting in this near-empty café, I'm struck how the odds those lovers smooching on the Seine might marry, but then divorce, has shot up like my blood pressure now, thanks to my less-than-attentive waiter. Infidelity, financial strains, sexual problems, parenting differences, poor anger management, career incompatibility and, of course, the catch-all "irreconcilable differences," cause marriages to dissolve and families to suffer.

Perhaps the pain becomes too great. Or the notion things are hopeless and won't change, or it will take too

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long and be too much work cause couples to pull the plug, give up. Hopelessness is a powerful force, robbing us of energy and initiative.

Of course, the stressful consequences of divorce can be devastating emotionally, financially and on any children. How parents inform their children and negotiate future parenting responsibilities affect how children will react to the news.

It's best to tell your children together, simply, honestly and directly. Don't go into detail about why or bash your spouse. It's okay to reveal your sadness, while allowing them to also show their feelings. If you're separating and

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not sure about divorce, don't make predictions or promises you can't keep. Try to keep things as consistent as possible.

Let your children know they're not responsible, that nothing they've done is causing the separation, and they can't do anything to make you get back together. Do not use your children as communication go-betweens. Assure them you both love them and will continue to take care of them.

Most people entering marriage expect it to last. Success worth having is worth fighting for...through both the exhilarating highs and mind-numbing lows.

Barring physical abuse, couples can repair and improve their marriages. I've seen 'em

Also see : A Time of Grief and Healing After Separation and Divorce I thought I would never feel the light of life again when I realized that my marriage was going to end. In fact I went through a painful year of not knowing if it would end. I had several months of suspecting that she was having an affair. There was...read more After the latest and accurate help with reference to divorce statistics. After the latest and accurate help with reference to divorce statistics. When you're seeking better-quality information about divorce statistics, it will be hard unscrambling quality advice from unprofessional divorce statistics suggestions or...read more

do it countless times in San Diego marriage counseling. Sometimes it's quicker and easier than expected. Sometimes it takes time.

Well, the music between my now-empty café waiter and me has dropped to one decibel. Clearly, he has more important things to do than attend to beaucoup-euros-paying little ol' me. I consider divorcing him (C'est la vie, c'est la guerre), but decide to give it another shot. Monsieur!...pardon, monsieur!

Okay, I've had enough. The music's died. I'm leaving. Hey, bud, Happy Bastille Day! Wait! Mon Dieu, he's coming over! I hear music.

Before you bid adieu to your

Also see : Life After Divorce: 5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce Life after divorce is something that most people who are going through divorce think about. Thinking about having a life after divorce or thinking about how your life will be after divorce, are common because people tend to fear for themselves. In...read more Nine Steps to Regaining Self Esteem After Divorce Divorce is difficult at the ‘best’ of times. Even when a couple makes a combined decision to divorce, it can be extremely trying. What happens if the decision is one sided? What happens to the party who can sometimes feel blind-sided by one...read more

duet, consider the assistance of an experienced, well-regarded marriage counselor.

For more information: http://www.advance-counseling.com/

About the author:

Dr. Marshall Colt is Executive Director of Advance Counseling, LLC in San Diego, serving clients since 1994. Licensed in California, Colorado and Florida, Dr. Colt has been in private practice for over 11 years, working with a variety of people dealing with the challenges of adolescence and adult life. See: http://www.advance-counseling./com

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